The New Year is just colse to the angle and 2011 predictions are bound to cause a stir. After decorating the Christmas tree and relaxing with a festive glass of eggnog flavored with our beloved spirit, we pondered the improbable events of 2010.
Even more implausible are our 2011 predictions while the "Year of the Rabbit..."
Ufo
- The seventy-one year old Bugs Bunny will be committed to the Wild Hare sanitarium after beheading Elmer Fudd. Staff members will constantly complain when Bugs sneaks up on them and mutters, "Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits."
- Korea Airlines and Israeli airline El Al will merge into Kal El (the Superman airlines). The Man of Steel is depicted "in flight" across the fuselages and all the stewardesses wear "Lois Lane" name cards, to ease obscuring (according to El Al security).
- North Korea, not to be undone, will counter with its own airline. To become popularly known as "Lil Kim Airlines," the jet fleet will tout illustrations of Kim Jong-Il (dressed in a cape and sprouting his own wings) on the fuselages.
- The Obama management will announce the coming of a portable money printing motor (the Pmpm-1000000) that will print one million dollar bills. The first unit is slated for facility in the White House, "Green Room." Studies have shown that the new motor will save the Treasury department millions.
- In an unprecedented move, the White House will create the department of Information. Their first order of company will be to remove the term "Global Warning" from the English language and replace it with "Bad Weather."
- The New York Yankees will offer President Obama a seven year twenty-one million dollar compact (to open January 13, 2013). The "Bronzed Bomber's" job will be to heighten the Yankee's tarnished image by having players "reach out to America" and tax citizen's willingness for change.
- Wiki Leaks founder Julian Assange will host "Saturday Night Live" (Snl). while hilarious skits the beloved globetrotting hacker will delineate Kfc's incommunicable fried chicken formula and the open codes for the Strategic Air Command's missile defense system.
- Nbc, in desperate ratings quest, will announce that reality Tv beauty Kim Kardashian will star as Scarlett O'Hara in a Tv miniseries remake of "Gone With The Wind," co-starring Pierce Brosnan as Rhett Butler. A surprise expanding to the cast is Lady Gaga to play the Atlanta Madam, Belle Watling.
- In a shocking announcement, Tv network news media pundits (Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Bill O'Reilly, et al.) will admit that their news programs are "just entertainment" at a national media town hall meeting. Their write back to audience catcalls will be: "We concept you already knew."
- Perhaps the most disturbing of the 2011 predictions will come from the healing community. The American healing association (Ama) will make a major declaration that will send shock waves colse to the world. 3-D, the request for retrial picture rage, will be found to have caused the optic impairment known as strabismus (cross-eyes) in over a million movie goers worldwide!
- Members of the scientific community will gift irrefutable proof that Ufo's do exist while Geraldo Rivera's "Search for Ufos" Fox Special. Unfortunately, the spectacular will be pre-empted by breaking news-the birth of (future Scarlett O'Hara) Kim Kardashian's offspring.
- In late 2011, China will make the improbable declaration that it has taken over the continent of Africa (renamed Chinafrica). Beijing announces that where applicable, Chinese restaurants in third world countries will serve as embassies until allowable structures are constructed.
Admittedly, these 2011 predictions are off the current radar screens. That is literally why they will be so earth-shaking when revealed while the coming year. It should be noted that attempts were made to taste international psychics on the level of Edgar Cayce, Betty White, and Nostradamus, but their lack of response only solidified the point of our 2011 predictions (why would they write back to predictions that are bound to overshadow their own?).
2011 Predictions
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